Musings of a Divorcee

Stories I Didn't Intend to Tell & Letters I Never Sent

  • Haunted

    I haven’t been able to sleep in my bedroom for months, favoring the sofa… that’s if I even sleep at all.  Every now and again, I stand at the door of it, on the perimeter surveying the state of it.  Eerie Stale Ransacked The blackout curtains, drawn for who knows how long. Slithers of natural Continue reading

  • Under Her Skin

    So much emotion welled up behind those almond eyes, nictitating membranes Held tight in the jaw,  Behind those full firm lips The long fingers and aging hands Held in her dignified gait In her locs Only masked by her adornment, a well packaged present … or bomb in disguise But rabid insides, tearing at the Continue reading

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  • Today I Cried

    Today I cried a self-pity cry, an embarrassed cry Because I honored our commitment Because I believed you would too Because I didn’t trust my gut… or myself Because I am still learning to Continue reading

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  • Missed Connection: Beautiful at La Brujeria

    (Dumbo Archway 9.20) Walking towards each other, amidst the vendors Me, wildly preoccupied with my phone and looking for a friend  You, kind and complimented me. Me, snapped into the moment by your voice and smile.  Our eyes meeting – you were striking. We lingered there a beat as I reciprocated the compliment.  Then, reluctantly Continue reading

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  • [Untitled]

    I stood there, transfixed.  Lump so big in my throat I could hardly swallow it back. Dabbing the tears away – “C’mon, get it together,” a quiet soliloquy. Art just moved me so, moved me to tears. But it was more than that.  Art held up a mirror to me – I was facing my Continue reading

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  • Dear L—,

    March 29, 202x Happy birthday! I’m happy to have this moment with you likely my last – to share just how much your family has meant to me for these 14 years. Especially you.  I’ve valued your welcoming spirit and generous nature. I have appreciated our kitchen table chats about everything thing from for you grew Continue reading

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  • Love Like

    Part one My first Tall, lean, sixteen the softness of youth No chiseled or hard edges That lightness in his laugh in his butterscotch skin Looking like he was caught in the light of the sun Bright, warm eyes, glinting Playful and mischievous that gazed upon me I think they saw me It was nice Continue reading

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  • Unraveling

    In the 672 days since the incident, since I decided to divorce, I’ve combed over and scrutinized every moment of the time we spent together trying to figure out what was and wasn’t real. I’ve looked at all the pictures and the home videos; read through the love letters, cards, chats, and emails. All those Continue reading

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  • Mommy’s Got Feelings Too

    That night you woke up, afraid,  looking for the comfort of your dad. He wasn’t there, and wouldn’t be for night terrors.  You cried, twice the tears.  I held you tight,  rocked you back to sleep.  Afterwards, I lay alone, in my room. Crying tears for your pain and mine.  Darkness, the only thing embracing Continue reading

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  • What I Couldn’t Say

    That day, barely 24 hours after the incident, with you, pop, and my mom seated around that table in the kitchen, him pacing and exposed… I knew things were changing.  I had him tell you (all) that we were divorcing and why, because it was his consequence to bare. He’d lied and cheated, disrespected me Continue reading

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